Jan 14, 2025 | The Good, the Bad and the Very Real
Have you ever been on a date where something seemingly minor made you cringe, causing you to reevaluate the entire relationship? If so, you’ve experienced what’s popularly known as “the ick.” This term has been making waves on social media platforms like TikTok and gained prominence through shows like Love Island Australia. But what exactly is “the ick,” and is it something we should be paying attention to in our relationships?
Recently, our founder and relationship expert, Kailen Rosenberg, appeared on the TV program Morning on Merit TV. to delve into this very topic alongside board-certified clinical psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Gardere. Here’s a breakdown of their insightful conversation.
What Is “The Ick”?
“The ick” is a term used to describe a sudden feeling of disgust or aversion toward a potential romantic partner, often triggered by a minor quirk or habit. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “ick” expresses something unpleasant or offensive. In the realm of dating, it refers to those little things that inexplicably turn us off.
Kailen’s Perspective: Embracing Quirks
Kailen finds the concept of “the ick” both “crazy and a little silly.” She believes that these so-called icks are often endearing quirks that make a person unique. Instead of quick judgments, she suggests we view these traits as opportunities for deeper connection.
“I think the ick is icky, to be honest,” Kailen remarks. “Quirks can be really lovely and darling—they can actually be the glue that helps people bond.”
She encourages daters to focus on what truly matters: shared values, genuine kindness, and emotional compatibility. By doing so, we allow ourselves to experience real love, free from superficial judgments.
Dr. Gardere’s Insights: A Matter of Perception
Dr. Jeffrey Gardere offers a psychological angle, suggesting that “the ick” may stem from a lack of tolerance for differences. He references scientific theories that propose evolutionary reasons for this phenomenon.
“Scientists theorize that people have that ick factor sometimes,” he explains. “It may be women more than men, being more discerning of details and dangers to protect their potential offspring.”
He cites the behavior of Japanese macaques, which avoid potential mates showing signs of parasites or bacteria, as a parallel to human dating behaviors. However, he also cautions that social media can exaggerate these feelings, making us overly critical.
Can You Overcome “The Ick”?
Both experts agree that it’s possible—and often beneficial—to move past these initial aversions.
- Kailen advises: “You can survive ‘the ick.’ Look for what is most important and wonderful and real that really matters when it comes to your value system. Let your heart fall, but keep your mind and your brain wise.”
- Dr. Gardere adds: “It’s about changing perceptions and taking it incrementally. Eventually, you will be accepting.”
Turning “The Ick” into an Opportunity
So, how can you transform an “ick” moment into a chance for deeper understanding?
- Self-Reflection: Ask yourself why a particular habit bothers you. Is it a genuine incompatibility or a superficial annoyance?
- Open Communication: If appropriate, discuss your feelings with your partner in a respectful manner.
- Focus on the Positive: Concentrate on your partner’s admirable qualities and shared values.
- Practice Empathy: Remember that everyone has quirks—including you. Embracing differences can enrich your relationship.
Final Thoughts
In a world where swiping left or right has become the norm, it’s easy to dismiss potential partners over trivial matters. However, as Kailen emphasizes, real love requires us to look beyond the surface.
At The Love Architects, we believe that lasting relationships are built on understanding, acceptance, and a shared commitment to growth. Before you let “the ick” deter you, consider the bigger picture—and you might just find the love you’ve been searching for.
Are you ready to build a meaningful connection? Contact us at The Love Architects to start your journey toward real love.
It’s time for you to experience real love!
Investing in your love life is much like building your dream home. You only hire the very best to see your dream become reality. Now it's time to start building your dream love life!
Apr 10, 2020 | The Good, the Bad and the Very Real
Well, we certainly didn’t expect this did we? And what timing! A mental, physical, and yes, for many… a spiritually forced pause to go within, when we are being told to be inside.
I say, it’s time to “go inside”.
As many of you who have been through a few things in life know, this could be a special, no…necessary… actually.. a “spectacular” chance for us to have and ‘live’ more life and love than ever before. Truly.
As we all sit in what I see as a big “time out”, this is what I mean.
As a Love Architect, healer, coach, intuitive, as a matchmaker… Prior to this pandemic that is one clearly of a ‘health’ issue, I found myself sitting back over the last several years, months, weeks, days… realizing the reality of the feelings I’d been having of deep sadness and frustration with what was occurring for far too many, actually most all of us. A space that we had learned in one way or another to accept. To me, another pandemic of a different sort. A “pandemic” of self-absorption and of self-loathing, of self-told lies, for far too long.
As people reached out to me, (especially, to find love), I noticed a universal theme occurring, and it wasn’t good. In fact, it, the self-bought theme was doing everything but attract the very love so many (the majority) were searching for in their lives. Far too many of you have been buying into an attitude of ‘scarity’, especially when it came (prior to this pandemic, right!) to really knowing and truly loving themselves (yourself) – ‘settling’ in this precious life ALL over the place, blaming everything that wasn’t working on ‘things’ ‘outside’ themselves and using excuses such as.. “too busy”, “too wounded”, ‘too old’, “not enough time”, “don’t trust”, “all of the good ones are taken”, “not enough this, not enough that”, etc., etc.. Yet when I shared this thought with most of them – they didn’t agree. You see, here is where their reality really was: (‘your’ reality actually) they (you) have a decent life, a good life really! Money in the bank (enough to be happy, truly), family around – to different degrees, friends who care about you, perhaps a pet you can cuddle, a good job (all left to interpretation you say?), those who have made it clear they ‘like’ even love you, or sweetly find you attractive (beautiful). You probably have a decent body (or better), your ‘health’ (you’re alive), clothes in the closet, shoes (at least a pair), savings in the bank or in a jar filled with change… Perhaps you’ve been able to travel (even to the next state over)… Yet, I would still hear repeatedly how unhappy you all were when it really came down to it, how you needed someone by your side to be ‘truly’ happy (even though you always had YOU.). And yet, with literally millions of singles in the world ‘both’ on and off-line seeking you, yes, YOU, even with ex’s who’d love another chance, or a partner ‘right now’ who has you, yet do they??? Nonetheless, you said you were lonely. With ALL of that beautiful life around you happening… lonely. And here we are today, this isn’t a scolding, it’s a loving wake-up call. And yet, I bet you’d give anything to go out after some of that today!!!! The great news is, you can! Imagine what you would do with life now, where you could go ‘anywhere’, be with whomever you want, do what mattered most, without having to distance yourself! Humans to love who want to love you back all around you. Do you see where the issue lies? Notice the last word of the prior sentence? Lies.
So, today let’s go for truth! Which is where I love to bring my clients so that they… YOU, can have ALL that you deserve; that you actually already have!!! Are you seeing it now? As you sit in this “spiritual time out”? You ALREADY have everything you could possibly need to be happy! Do you see that you have been ignoring the very one who can actually make that happen? YOU.
So, as we sit UNDER CONSTRUCTION, yes, that beautiful construction site of your life, you have a moment to pause to look at the foundation of what your life has been sitting on – until now. And you can pour a new one, a fresh foundation. You can build new walls (boundaries of and for healthy self-love), you can design your life to be exactly the way you desire, the way you have always deserved it to be!
So, who’s in for re-building a new experience in life following this very spiritual quarantine – so that you can live the life that has been waiting on you? On all of us following this time out for planning our blueprint? READY? Let’s do it!
These are the steps:
Step one: Make a list, as long as you can about what you “won’t” accept ‘first’ from yourself and others anymore. The things that have stolen life from you prior to this pandemic, where we are all being told to ‘stay inside’- I say “go inside” (spiritually).
Step two: Make a pact and a plan through a vision board (yep a new one) as to just what your new life after this pandemic is over, when you get to go and do WHATEVER you want – is going to look and feel like! How exciting!
Step three: Write a letter to yourself and to those your heart is pinging you about and make amends, send love, be love. With the be love part, I mean it! Look into the eyes of those you love who need you. See them.
Step four: TAKE CARE OF YOU! Eat better, stretch, meditate, pray, breathe in fresh air, listen to the birds, great music, dance, laugh, live in gratitude for what you’ve always had and will no longer ignore! And last but not least… KNOW that love is there waiting and is excited for you to finally trust it!
Mar 20, 2020 | The Good, the Bad and the Very Real
(This is the only photo of melons you should be sending!)
Ladies, if you think showing your melons will land you the right man, rethink your approach. One of the many ways we screw it up when it comes to looking for love…
While spending the last few days with an exceptionally wonderful, eligible bachelor in Florida’s Gold Coast who recently hired me to help him find love, I immediately experienced firsthand the very reason for his despair and concern when it came to finding the love of his life.
As a handsome, respected, successful physician renowned worldwide for his work, this man was far from desperate when it came to attracting women. Instead, he found himself in a position of disheartening overwhelm, with hundreds of single, successful, educated, beautiful women, who made it clear they wanted “him”, and yet most hadn’t experienced even one conversation with him.
You see, they thought their ‘beauty’ was enough.
What could possibly be the issue you ask?
This:
As we sat together with his Match.com and Jdate accounts open, these women were coming in left and right. Not only claiming before ever having met that “he was the one for them” just based upon his picture and profile (which none truly could have known if it was authentically him or not, or instead a convicted rapist or abuser), but the moment he responded with any form of interest, not only was their personal telephone number immediately shared, but seconds later, so were very sadly, photos of them bearing their breasts and naked bodies (from head to hoo-haw).
“What are these women thinking?” he asked.
“What could possibly make them think that this is an asset that would make me want to get to know them any further?”
“If these photos have been sent to me so easily, how many other men have these been sent to?”
“Kailen, this is what I’m dealing with and it breaks my heart.”
Would this have been fun or interesting for him in his teens or 20’s? Possibly. But when it comes to a genuine, wonderful man and soul looking for real love, this does nothing but dumb it down and the very opportunity for what could be two good souls to connect.
So, women, I’m not saying to be a prude, but you do need to love yourself – enough to know that your true value, asset, especially the value that you would deserve a good man to recognize, and honor, must come from the greatness in the beauty of your mind, your heart, your soul, your passion, your values, the way you live your life.
As I sit having met thousands of wonderful singles around the world with access to many more thousands, with a heart and passion to bring this world and everyone in it true love, this certainly doesn’t help the quest.
Bottom line, if you are looking for real love, start honoring and valuing yourself now, so that true love can show up.
It’s yours, waiting to happen.
Mar 13, 2020 | The Good, the Bad and the Very Real
Living in a world that is filled with the superficial and guided primarily by the ego, we all still desperately seek (on one level or another), to find and experience true love. Our quest from the time we are young is to find our perfect person to fall madly in love with, perhaps have a family with, to grow old with until our days on this earth are done. We seek – we find – we typically screw it up, we get hurt and most often close ourselves off in one way or another, rarely looking at the truth of why the love we so desire is not ours. Most of us say that “if we just found the right one, all will be good”, however, what we have failed to understand is that perhaps we haven’t yet “found” ‘us’, who we truly are.
It is in ‘us’, that true beauty begins.
The way we love ourselves (ego vs. soul), is shown on our faces, in our actions, in all that we do, and it is either beautiful, frightening, or downright ugly. Which one are you?
In these past months, as I interviewed hundreds of wonderful, soulful, successful men around the world, a new trend of sadness and discord was made obvious, as each and every one of the men shared how difficult it is today to truly find a “beautiful” woman. It’s not that these men were overly superficial, or that spiritually deep and profound, although yes, some were – it was that they each expressed that “to find a woman that is naturally just ‘her’, instead of a filled up pulled tight nipped and tucked ‘mannequin version’ that looks like all the rest“, is almost impossible to find.
Many of these men humbly realized that some of their own ego behaviors, along with buying into the media’s airbrushed manipulation of what constitutes a beautiful face and body, has caused what now leaves them with deep sorrow and regret, meeting women who all look like Stepford Wives.
These men so desperately crave the beauty that resides within a woman who ‘knows’ that her true beauty (flaws and all), comes from her story, her wit, her heart, her intelligence, her unique quirks, her passion. A woman who takes great joy and pride in aging with grace, who has healthy self-love, and not self judgement. A woman who knows that just to be alive, surrounded by those she loves is of the greatest value.
So for all of you who are looking for ‘the one’, that perfect person for you, know that the greatest beauty and love you will ever see and experience, is met through the soul. When you meet you will see it in their eyes (not merely through ‘chemistry’), you will feel it through the genuineness of their smile, their actions, their treatment of others. You will see it through the way they show up with grace and humility in this precious life when seeking true love.
That my dear friend, is the one you want. That, is your perfect person.
Sep 5, 2018 | The Good, the Bad and the Very Real
After 25 years in the dating and matchmaking industry, it became clear to me that the industry was quite broken. I found that there was far too much focus on the ‘sale’ of a service, rather than the success of each client’s emotional and financial investment. This process keeps singles stuck, not only in bad relationship patterns, but introduced to the wrong partners.
After working with clients, both single and married, I discovered, in order to bring true love to each client’s life, a heightened level of experience and training was necessary. This level of experience would be far beyond what is typically found in today’s mainstream dating and matchmaking services – the ability to properly connect two lives and two souls for a healthy, successful, lifelong relationship. I made it my mission to design a methodology, client experience, and training program that would not only improve the dating industry, but more importantly, bring healthier, happier relationships into the world.
It’s time to invest in YOU and your love life, for real.
In 1997, I created the world’s first Love Design firm, focused on connecting healthy-minded, successful singles. My goal – to heal the world, one happy and successful couple and family at a time. Combining my own personal journey in life and love, along with formal and deeply spiritual training into what, why, and where true love and compatibility comes from, I created what has now become a world-renowned process known as Love Design®, bringing the experience of love in people’s lives to a higher level than ever before. That goal is at the heart of our belief system at Love Architects® by Kailen.
If your passion is to make a difference in this world when it comes to love, relationships, and the way the world experiences love, then perhaps it’s time to become a Love Architect®.
If you share our goal, and have a passion for matchmaking and making the world a better place, then perhaps it’s time to join our team. Whether you are interested in working with a Love Designer personally or becoming a Love Designer yourself, there is room to make a difference! Join me, Celebrity Love Architect®, author, and world-renowned relationship expert, through our exclusive Certified Master Love Designer® training program and finally do something you love.
